Monday, October 20, 2008
Case# 36 Tips for Dealing with a CyberStalker / Cyberpath
(excerpted from ALBERT J. BERNSTEIN, Ph.D's work on EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES)
1. KNOW THEM, KNOW THEIR HISTORY, AND KNOW YOUR GOAL
The way to anticipate a cyberpath is by knowing how they've acted in the past. Chances are pretty good that they'll do the same thing in the future. The big mistake you can make with cyberpaths is assuming, without evidence, that though their record has been bad in the past, that they have learned their lesson, and will do better this time. When you deal with cyberpaths, always ask yourself what you're trying to accomplish and why. If you're not sure, don't do anything until you've thought about it carefully.
2. GET OUTSIDE VERIFICATION
Cyberpaths want you to listen to them alone. To control you, they'll try to isolate you from your usual sources of information. Always check out what they say with a trusted friend or other resources, especially when you'd rather not. Cyberpaths, like vampires, can't operate in the "light of day." (Be aware: Once you check them out a Cyberpath will accuse you of "stalking." Ignore the accusation and find out everything you can about them!)
3. DO WHAT THEY DON'T
To prevail over Cyberpaths you must rush in where they fear to tread. Your greatest strengths lie in doing the things you can do that Cyberpaths can't. (Like telling the truth or doing a background check when they asked you not to)
4. PAY ATTENTION TO ACTIONS, NOT WORDS
What cyberpaths say is often very different from what they do. To avoid being drained, always focus on what they do NOT what they say!
5. IDENTIFY HYPNOTIC STRATEGY
Cyberpaths are consummate hypnotists. When you see through the smoke and mirrors, their illusions don't work nearly so well.
6. PICK YOUR BATTLES
To be an effective Cyberpath fighter, you have to be able to pick the important battles and ignore the rest. You also have to avoid fighting battles you can't possibly win (such as getting them to admit the truth or trying 'force' them to apologize or praying they will change!)
7. LET CONTINGENCIES DO THE WORK
A contingency is an if-then situation. If someone does a particular thing, then certain consequences will follow (EXPOSURE!!).
The only way Cyberpaths learn anything is by experiencing the consequences of their own behavior.
If you're ever tempted to rescue a Cyberpath, think about what you're teaching him or her about how the game of life is really played.
8. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS AS CAREFULLY AS YOU PICK YOUR BATTLES
With Cyberpaths what you say, how you say it, and when you say it are all crucial to the outcomes you are likely to achieve.
9. IGNORE TANTRUMS (Attacks, Idol Threats)
When Cyberpaths don't get their way, they throw tantrums. They can explode into all sorts of emotional outbursts or attacks/ threats whose only purpose is to get you to give in or hurt you so you do something against your better judgment for THEM. Don't.
10. KNOW YOUR OWN LIMITS
Dealing with Cyberpaths requires a lot of effort. Stay Strong.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Case# 35 RCMP Ignores Online Threats - Professor Ends up Dead
The RCMP apologized to the family of John McKendy on Thursday after admitting it had been warned by a relative three days prior to his murder that his son-in-law was a threat.Assistant Commissioner Darrell LaFosse, the RCMP's commander of J Division in New Brunswick, Canada told a news conference that an independent review will be launched of the force's handling of the case that led to the slaying of the popular 59-year-old university professor.
A spokesman for the force repeatedly told reporters over the past week that family members hadn't approached the Mounties before the murder with concerns over anyone's safety.
"I have since realized that this is not the case," LaFosse said.
"I have personally apologized to the family on behalf of the RCMP in New Brunswick and I am here today to publicly offer my apology for us saying they did not raise concerns. They did," said LaFosse.
"We were investigating those concerns. Any perception they did not make us aware that there were concerns is false. I offer my apology to them for us saying otherwise."
The assistant commissioner said the force received a complaint from an undisclosed family member on Oct. 27, three days before McKendy was killed in his Douglas home.
The complaint concerned threatening emails and other communication from Nicholas Wade Baker, McKendy's 27-year-old son-in-law, to an undisclosed member of the family.
Police believe McKendy was killed by Baker, who was found dead in a rental car outside a Moncton hotel on Saturday.
McKendy's daughter Laura, who was married to Baker, was also injured in the attack.
News of the emails surfaced Monday when one of McKendy's colleagues at St. Thomas University in Fredericton told reporters about them.
Sociology professor Sylvia Hale, a friend of McKendy's who also teaches at St. Thomas University, said earlier this week the McKendy family had received threatening emails from Baker leading up to the murder and had alerted the RCMP.
LaFosse said the warning from the family member was relayed to an investigator but "was not immediately placed on the RCMP file into the investigation."
"The RCMP media person was unaware of this additional information at the time he gave the interviews," LaFosse said.
Insp. Mike O'Malley, District 2 commanding officer, said it was felt at the time the complaint was made that there was not sufficient evidence to proceed with a criminal investigation.
"Nevertheless, the family's concerns were noted and were added to supplement the ongoing investigation," he said.
Police had been seeking Baker since Oct. 3 on charges of fraud, vehicle theft, and credit card theft.
The stolen vehicle and credit card belonged to Michael McKendy, John's brother. The vehicle was later recovered in Bangor, Maine.
Michael McKendy declined comment on the latest developments Thursday, saying: "We may or may not comment in the future."
John McKendy was a Quaker, and is being remembered as a tireless advocate of social justice and non-violence. A memorial service was held at a Fredericton church Wednesday.
The RCMP issued a formal apology to the family for creating the perception "they did not bring forward concerns to the police."
LaFosse said, in addition to the apology, the entire file on Baker leading up to the murder would also be reviewed to see if it was properly handled by police. An RCMP officer from Prince Edward Island will head the investigation.
Several unanswered questions remain, such as how Baker managed to cross back into Canada despite an alert issued to police agencies and border officials that he was wanted in connection with the stolen vehicle and credit card.
O'Malley said they believed Baker was somewhere in the southern United States, far from the McKendy family, when the email threats were reported. Police said the card was used in Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina.
Hale said Thursday she was pleased the RCMP apologized to the family and would review the case.
But she said the police should have taken the email threats more seriously, and the standard protocol for dealing with situations of domestic violence must also be reassessed.
She said the police's response in this case is part of "a very widespread pattern of police non-response to these types of situations."
"The reality is that there was a plethora of emails in the last few weeks that showed very significant harassment," she said.
"By just not treating it serious and not responding, they just didn't take it seriously enough.
"What you want them to do is learn from it and say, 'This was a totally inadequate response to this family's situation.'"‚"
LaFosse said the review would begin shortly and the findings would be made public.
ARTICLE
Labels: alerted, cyberstalking, emails, ignored, mcKendy, murder, rcmp, threats
