Monday, September 15, 2008
Case# 34 Net Predators are "Sensitive" When Exposed
WHEN THEY ATTACK
by Kathy Krajco
(We have replaced the word narcissists with predators for clarity)
Professionals often say that predators "overreact" to the merest unintended slights and that they fly into a rage for the slightest reason. But this view seems anthropomorphic to me. I suspect it comes from forgetting that the predator on your couch is a pathological liar.
The truth is that predators attack for no reason. In fact, they are prompted to attack by anti-reasons.
Of course the predator on your couch says he did it in self defense! He whines that the victim said or did something to slight him or anger his tender, tender feelings. Were you born yesterday? predator = pathological liar. So, why do you expect him to confess to you that he is a predator = one who attacks any vulnerable target of opportunity?
I would hate to admit how long it took me to discover this, but in my experience, what triggers a predator Attack is nothing but a vulnerable target of opportunity.
Test predators. Parade bait before them when the coast looks clear so that the narc thinks later it will just be his word against the victim's. Then watch what happens.
You can push his Attack button by having the victim be very vulnerable, like say by showing great affection for the predator and giving a heartfelt plea for some in return. (Rather like a man I knew who asked a predator to marry him and got eviscerated for it.)
How does the predator react to what should evoke his love and affection? With a savage attack, that's how. Rather like any wild predator when you ring the dinner bell for it by giving it a swipe at a defenseless creature's soft underbelly.
Except that natural predators must be hungry at the time.
On second thought, I guess predators have to be hungry, too. But they always are. For, they have the kind of hunger that increases the more you feed it.
So much for the theory that predators are just too touchy. They ain't touchy at all.
Test that too. Indeed, try to provoke a predator. You can't. Go ahead, try.
The only way to get yourself a raging predator is to tempt it with defenseless bait when it thinks no one is watching.
Now that you have your predator raging, do one more thing. Have the victim rise up rage right back it its face.
Guess what happens? Presto chango! Rage off!
Instead of a raging predator, you now have a poor little meek and gentle angel who wouldn't hurt a fly and is heartbroken at the victim being so nasty.
Welcome to The Twilight Zone. I call this miraculous phenomenon "The Transfiguration."
I am not exaggerating. You witness the instantaneous substitution of one persona for its very antithesis in the blink of an eye. You don't know whether to pinch yourself or start throwing holy water at it. Because an Academy Award winner couldn't do that that fast.
It stuns you and gives you the creeps. Indeed, one facial expression doesn't melt into the other: the whole mask changes at once.
I call a predator's faces "masks" because when you see this happen you know that's what they are. You know that what's on the face is a lie. It's the Big Chill.
A stunning revelation. The predator's very face is a lie about what is really going on in the darkness behind that mask.
When [Predators] Attack
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EXAMPLES OF PATHOLOGICAL RAGE ATTACKS FROM OUR OWN PREVIOUSLY EXPOSED PREDATORS (please read):
EXAMPLE ONE
EXAMPLE TWO
EXAMPLE THREE
EXAMPLE FOUR
EXAMPLE FIVE
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Starve the Vampire
by Sandra Brown, MA Author of "Women Who Love Psychopaths"
(with some minor additions - EOPC)
Pathological persons (such as CYBERPATHS) are energy and emotional vampires. They live off of your emotional content.
Part of their personality deficit is the lack of a stable and consistent inner core of a self concept so they need constant attention, distraction, and identity management from which they draw their identity.
Lots of their identity is acquired from their relationships since internally there is so little core self to draw from. This is part of the reason they are so exhausting.
In order to get their emotional 'blood supply' from you, they 'hook you' into conversations, arguments, or any other kind of response they can get from you. They live vicariously through your own emotional expressions of love, frustration, confusion, etc.
It doesn't always matter 'what' emotion is fed to the vampire (although narcissists like adoration) but just that there is SOME content is enough for them -- even your tears, or your screams, or your insults. It doesn't matter... they just 'need' something, anything from you in the way of content. If they don't get the blood supply/ emotional content from you, they will seek it elsewhere.
(Remember Dracula? He just moved from town to town taking it where he could get it?)
When you begin to break up he will fear the loss of emotional supply. He won't fear losing you so much as he will fear not getting his identity and his sense of self from you and/or the relationship. He fears the loss of self or 'who am I without her?' This is a very fragmented ego state -- one which only exists through relationships with others.
So when you try to break up, he may continue to contact you which is why they are hard to break up with. They are predictable in their approaches to get you to respond to them (you are feeding the vampire his emotional blood supply every time you talk to him!!).
These are some of his approaches and if you can get a bag of popcorn and just watch it like it was a LifeTime for Women movie and detach from it, you will see a whole movie pan out like this:
* One contact he's angry, blaming, shaming.
When you don't respond to that verbally or emotionally (think like you are lobotomized with no facial expression...that's what I want women to do with these men)
* Then one contact may be sweet, loving, buy you things or sending you things.
When you don't respond...
* He will promise to do what you've asked for years... go to counseling, church, take meds, be nice, go to anger managment.
When you don't respond...
* He will get angry again--say you aren't working on the relationship which is why it's gonna fail;
When you don't respond...
* He will quit calling for a while to make it look like he's moved on (They are boomerangs, they ALWAYS come back a few times.)
When you don't respond...
* He will indicate he found someone else or had sex with someone else. (possibly one of your friends)
When you don't respond... (Are you enjoying the popcorn and movie about now??)
* He becomes 'sick' -- he doesn't know what this mysterious illness is, or he has prostate cancer, leukemia, some other lethal disease.
When you don't respond...
* He will just go back to drinking/ drugging/ dealing/ driving too fast/ seeing prostitutes/ etc.
When you don't respond...
* He will threaten to kill himself, leave the area, never see you again.
When you don't respond...
* He will take the kids (or try to), drag you through court, threaten to physically harm you.
When you don't respond...
* He will tell you he's dating someone you hate or he's gone back to his previous girlfriend/ wife.
When you don't respond...
* He will tell you he will kill your pet he has custody of if you don't talk to him.
When you don't respond...
* He will go on the net and post about you on the exposure sites, making up the most outrageous lies and childish slander to get you to react.
When you don't respond...
* It will come full circle and will begin again, at the top of this list.
When I do counseling, it's all the same stories. Yeah, I know that women think that their experiences are unique.
But pathology is all the same. These people aren't very creative and don't deviate much from the strict internal structure that is associated with pathology. They ONLY react in certain ways so it's pretty easy to predict.
Once you are able to understand this, you can predict his sad/ silly/ stupid reactions to a break up (or exposure).
Since they live off of your emotion and NEED it, the sooner you starve him out by having no contact (unless you have to because of your kids but you adhere to no words exchanged and no emotional content on your face), the vampire will flee to the next available source to be fed.
When women don't disconnect once they understand the feeding and maintenance of pathologicals, they are doing it because SHE wants to remain. The ball is then in your court to figure out where you are still hung up so you can disconnect.
This is not a judgment about women not being able to leave. It is a POINTER to a place where the disengagement has hit a snag. Simply notice where the snag IS so that something can be done.
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RELATED:
THE PREDATOR AS SLANDERER
WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE THE CYBERPATH SMEARS & SLANDERS
Labels: cyberpaths, cyberstalkers, playing martyr, predator, projection, shame, slander, smear campaign
